Monday, May 3, 2010

What is Wrong with Us?

Ads seen on pages 31-40 of the San Diego Reader (April 29th Edition):

  • Ladies...Lost that loving feeling? (a six month study to evaluate premenopausal women who have been bothered by a decrease in sexual desire. 
  • Overactive Bladder...your senior years should be spend having fun, not on the run
  • Going, going, going Too often at night
  • Menstrual Migraine Headaches: Wishing your period would never come? 
  • Do you have Schizophrenia?
  • Struggling with Psoriasis 
  • Throbbing. Burning. Stabbing. Tingling. If you have painful diabetic peripheral neuropathy, please consider calling. 
  • Are you suffering from Rheumatoid Arthritis? 
  • Trying to manage your Type 2 diabetes? 
  • Are you in an excessively good mood?  Easily Distracted?  Irritable?  (between 18 and 65 with bipolar disorder) 
  • GOUT: First Experience? 
  • Afraid to show your feet? (research study to evaluate the efficacy of an investigational therapy for people with onychomycosis, also known as toenail fungus) 
  • Refractory Endometriosis Research Study 
  • Clinical Research Study: Schizophrenia. Depression. Bipolar Disorder.
  • Do you have diabetes? 
  • Attn: Heavy Drinkers
  • Asthma: Do you suffer?
  • Have you taken medication for your depression, but it hasn't helped? 
  • PAIN? Do you have pain from chronic pancreatitis?  
  • Is ADHD robbing your child of SLEEP? 
  • Do you have restless leg syndrome? 
  • Heartburn? Acid Regurgitation? 
  • GOUT
  • Forgetting simple tasks?  Memory fading?  Can't seem to complete projects? 
  • Do you want to quit smoking? 
  • Do you suffer from depression? 
  • Have you been diagnosed with schizophrenia and currently taking medication (side note: the grammar on this one annoys me a lot) 
  • Are you a Military Veteran that has faced a life-or-death event? Do you currently have thoughts or nightmares about the event when you don't want to?  Do you avoid reminders of the event, like crowds, certain TV shows, or loud noises? 
  • Infants and Toddlers are needed for an investigational vaccine research study for RSV and a Parainfluenza virus.  
  • Smoking too much pot? 
  • Too Shy? 
  • Been told you have a kidney stone?
  • Got toenail fungus? 
  • Do you have type 2 diabetes?
Until the next page:
  • Take sex to a whole new level! 
I wonder what is wrong with us?  Why do we have so many problems?  And need so much research to be done on us and pills to be pushed down our throats.  Every one of these ads is for a research study.  Having participated in a couple research studies through my doctor in the past, I know they pay some decent money and are for good causes but Jesus!  How do you know if these places are reliable, clean, legit?  

The next eighteen pages are dedicated to those things California is known for best.  Breast augmentation, face lifts, tanning, skin rejuvenation, fixes for thinning hair, spas, pedicures, manicures, tooth replacement/whitening, liposuction, weight loss, tummy tucks, eyelid surgery, hair straightening, botox, and more.  Apparently everyone is falling apart on the inside so they have to spend all their energy boosting, firming, lifting, and reshaping their outsides to look how they want to feel.  

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