Thursday, July 1, 2010

Oh, I Mentioned the Bisque

Ask me any question about my upcoming move and I can answer it quite thoroughly.  I've researched everything from housing, to free events, to details about my school, to the history of the city for hours on end over the last nine months.  I've all but memorized the London postal codes and neighborhoods.  I can tell you all kinds of interesting facts about the city.  I can show you a list of places to spend a free day.  Yet, when I answer these questions, I feel as if I am doing it academically; passing what I've learned along to others.  I don't feel like it's going to actually be my life.  I just can't fathom it.  Sure, I get excited about wandering the streets of the city, uncovering it's history and mystery but it's more a feeling of, "God, wouldn't it be soooo freakin' cool to live there?  To spend almost two years learning about the city you love?  To meet people from all over the world and learn about their histories, cultures, and traditions?  To have a coffee shop to call your own where you brood, or read, or blog, or study the day away?  To have local haunts where baristas know your drink of choice?  To have a pub where you know you can always get some good pudding when you need to be comforted?  To feel the cobblestones under your feet in the old parts of town?  Wouldn't that all be cool?'  The thing is, I have pondered those questions and felt that rush of excitement at the thought of it since I was 15.  After my first trip to the city I knew I had to spend more time there.  In my entire lifetime I could never know everything there is to know about the city.  I know that is the case with everything but in this situation it is something that truly makes me sad and exhilarated at the same time.

I love London and I am excited that I am moving there.  But I feel like I'm faking it when I talk about actually doing it.  I speak as if it is happening but I don't feel like it really is happening.  It's such a weird disconnect.  I talked about it with E yesterday and she said that it's as if life as I know it is ending on August 3rd and I have no clue as to my future life.  I really don't and it's crazy!  I know I'm going to school but I don't know what my house will look like, who my new friends will be, etc.  I packed my house and moved my stuff because it is a was one of the things on my list of many.  I answer everyone's questions because they are all curious and I'm happy to share what I've learned.  I'll continue to do so, and continue to work my way through the list of To Do's because I know I have to but as to the reason why, I still feel like I'm faking it.